Columns
Savage Love
column: A few years before my wife and I met, she made porn with her boyfriend at the time. He intended to start a pay-per-view website but never launched it. I was a bit upset when she told me, but then I remembered that I enjoy porn, and the idea of seeing the hottest woman I’ve ever met – and am now married to – doing porn might be really enjoyable, even though I wouldn’t want her sleeping with anyone else now. I realize that to get these tapes I’d have to contact the ex and that migh ... [MORE]
by Dan Savage | 2/10/2010
Free Will Astrology
Free Will Astrology : GARIES (March 21-April 19) “Hate leaves ugly scars,” wrote author Mignon McLaughlin, but “love leaves beautiful ones.” If I’m reading the astrological omens correctly, you’re scheduled to receive at least one of the beautiful kind of scars in the coming months – maybe even two or three. In fact, I think they’ll be such lovely boo-boos that they will markedly add to your overall attractiveness. Rarely if ever have you been privileged to hurt as good as you will in 2010 – thanks to the be ... [MORE]
by Rob Brezsny | 2/10/2010
Happytown
column: Here at Happytown™ HQ, we’ve toiled for countless hours in our efforts to turn lemons into potent alcoholic shooters that give us the blurred perception that everything is fine. To that end, we are far less admirable an institution than Orlando development company New Broad Street, the David Pace–led real estate group largely responsible for crafting the mystical, magical gingerbread village known as Baldwin Park (see “A tale of two neighborhoods,” Jan. 28) out of the rundown remnant ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines and Billy Manes | 2/10/2010
Police Beat
Police Beat : Jan. 27 (2010-46014) 7 a.m.: What happens when you put copper wire in a microwave oven? Whoever ripped off Edgewater High School on Edgewater Drive may be finding out at this moment, because they took 10 rolls of the stuff and the employees’ microwave. (2010-44370) 11:25 a.m.: Thieves took the usual from a house in the 700 block of East Amelia Street: a flat-screen TV, two notebook computers, jewelry and money. (2010-44522) Noon: Someone took off with a .39-caliber rifle, some pr ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines | 2/10/2010
Blister
column: All this arrhythmic bouncing, the plips and plops of dribs and drabs as gray turns to black and wet to wetter. It’s a night of random globules acting out their unattached insignificance amidst the pull of gravity and the push of humidity, a night of racing thoughts underprocessed in the flippancy of disconnection. Try as we might, Tony and I can’t seem to concoct our typical alchemy fizz of conversational escapism and sum our parts to greater. I may be blaring Next Big Thing Britpop in ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 2/10/2010
Police Beat
Police Beat : Jan. 19 (2010-30926) 5:45 p.m.: It was a peaceful evening with beer at the Ambassador Hotel on West Colonial Drive, until one man jumped his acquaintance and stole his .45-caliber pistol. (2010-31191) 8:30 p.m.: A woman walking through Parc Vista apartments on Pinto Lane said a man dragged her behind a pool shed, muttering his intent to rape her; but he took off when a car approached, and she escaped with a bruised arm. Jan. 20 (2010-32040) 9:05 a.m.: Someone broke through the ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines | 2/3/2010
Council Watch
Council Watch : For this very special episode of The City Gets to Thinkin’, Congresswoman Corrine Brown, D-Florida, was wheeled in for a fiery cameo appearance, shouting this and that about Haitian relief and stimulus dollars before landing the ultimate health-care zinger: “Anybody that tells me that they’re not for [health care reform], they need the mental health portion!” Hooray! It would prove a hard act to follow, as when she left, so did 90 percent of the room. City politics, it turns out, are ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 2/3/2010
Free Will Astrology
Free Will Astrology : ARIES (March 21-April 19) “Those who know how to win are much more numerous than those who know how to make proper use of their victories.” So said the ancient Greek historian Polybius, and now I’m conveying the message to you. I hope it will serve as a spur in the wake of your recent triumph. Will you be content with merely basking in the glow, frittering away the provocative potentials? Or will you get down to business and use your new advantages to upgrade your destiny? TAURUS ( ... [MORE]
by Rob Brezsny | 2/3/2010
Savage Love
column: Let’s say, theoretically, I’m a pedophile. I’m not stupid or evil, so I’m not gonna DO anything. I’m not even gonna look at porn, because the production of it involves child exploitation. Hell, even porn that’s just drawn – perverts drawing smut for perverts with no kids or anyone else involved – is illegal in a lot of places. I don’t even look at kids in public, and anyone of whatever orientation who’s been to a crowded beach knows how hard it can be not to look. So what the f ... [MORE]
by Dan Savage | 2/3/2010
Happytown
column: Oh, that wacky Brian Feldman. He eats, and calls it art. He jumps, and calls it art. He reads this paper, and calls it art. (He’s dead-on about that one, BTW.) There’s so much “art” in Orlando with Feldman’s name attached to it that we’ve almost stopped paying attention. Almost. Because he’s outdone himself this time. Yes, he has. This time, Feldman is promising to legally marry any woman (sorry, guys, gay marriage is illegal in Florida) who shows up at the Orange County Courthouse ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes and Bob Whitby | 2/3/2010
Blister
column: If this particular wrung-out rag of a Monday night were something more than a reverse howl of sleep apnea intended to indicate the limitations of my physical being – if it were science, instead, precision of a quantifiable sort meant to be studied in a vacuum of sterility – there might be an argument available to my tongue’s tip, something about historical origins and cyanobacteria coating stromatolites in the blue-green wish-wash of an asteroid impact. Single cells multiplying in th ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 2/3/2010
Live Active Cultures
Live Active Cultures : I think I’m about the least likely person to be labeled a Luddite. In my house, I have four gaming consoles, three laptop computers, two video projectors and an iPhone … in an Apple tree. I’ve been online since the days of 1200-baud modems and text-interface BBS systems; today I’ve got Yahoo, Gmail and my own Vanity.com site (42 unique visitors and counting since 2005, woo-hoo!). But in one important way I’m electronically retarded: I don’t do Facebook. I know, I know. Your mom h ... [MORE]
by Seth Kubersky | 1/27/2010
HAPPYTOWN
by Billy Manes and Justin Strout
COUNCIL WATCH
by Billy Manes
SAVAGE LOVE
by Dan Savage
POLICE BEAT
by Erin Sullivan
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
by Rob Brezsny
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