Columns
Police Beat
Police Beat : Dec. 31 (2009-615064) Noon: Overnight, someone took DVD players, a big stereo and speaker boxes – total value $7,600 – from a Hummer in the 5700 block of Vista Linda Drive. Jan. 1 (2010-12) 12:05 a.m.: Happy New Year! A number of Orlandoans greeted the event with a spasm of gunfire. Just after midnight, someone shot one round into an occupied house in the 2500 block of Oak Park Way. The bullet landed in the living room. Nobody was hit, but no one was caught, either. (201 ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines | 1/13/2010
Council Watch
Council Watch : If you were to gather each of the essences from this week’s civic compost heap and reduce them down – then leave them on the counter for three weeks – the delicacy you’d be left with would be both cold and poor. From the sullen invocation of Methodist Pastor Britt Gilmore on becoming more like the poor through commissioners talking about how much they are doing for the poor (District 5’s Daisy Lynum wondered aloud about the size of her own utility bill and then worried about everybody ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 1/13/2010
Free Will Astrology
Free Will Astrology : ARIES (March 21-April 19) The Earth’s north magnetic pole is not the same as the geographic North Pole. If you take out a compass to orient yourself toward due north, the compass arrow will actually point toward a spot in the frigid wilds of Canada. But what’s really odd is that the north magnetic pole has been on the move since 1904 – scientists don’t know exactly why – and has dramatically sped up in recent years. According to National Geographic, it’s now zooming toward Siberia at ... [MORE]
by Rob Brezsny | 1/13/2010
Savage Love
column: I am a 34-year-old straight, single woman. I have a fantasy I can’t find much about online, so I figured I’d ask you for advice. My fantasy is to be blindfolded, bent over a table/couch/whatever, and fucked by whoever happens to walk by. I realize this would have to take place in a safe environment, but most sex clubs or parties tend to be for swingers, specifically couples. There’s a sex club nearby that looks like it might cater to my fantasy, but can I just walk in off the street ... [MORE]
by Dan Savage | 1/13/2010
Happytown
column: You know what? Gun laws are way too restrictive in this state. After all, the right to bear arms is in the Ten Commandments, isn’t it? That’s why some local Republicans in the Florida House are lifting their tails for the tea-baggers, me-too-ing a futile-but-symbolic bill crafted to keep gun-waving neo-Confederates from bolting Republican ranks in search of even further-right representation. The “Florida Firearms Freedom Act” is a clone of a bill already passed in Montana and Ten ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines, Billy Manes and Bob Whitby | 1/13/2010
Blister
column: ‘You guys need to have babies!’ There isn’t so much a conversation going on as a Southern-drawled swish of absurd anomalies. The dueling of Deliverance banjos delivered by way of Alan’s post-holiday arrival – steeped in the colloquialism of political moonshine acquired from just being in Georgia too long – is having its airtime in our living room, buffeted by the equally abrasive laughter of the Sexy Savannah and buffered by my own shaking head. Some birther litany splatters the walls ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 1/13/2010
Police Beat
Police Beat : Welcome to Police Beat 2010. To make the new year special, we’re going back to including block numbers on unnamed crime scenes. We don’t want to tip off crooks to easy targets, but we do want our cautious readers to know which sections of miles-long roads carry the greatest risks of pistol-whipping or copper theft. Welcome back to the future. Dec. 23 (2009-604338) 1:26 p.m.: Three cops on foot chased down a man on a bicycle in the 100 block of North Parramore Avenue, and found ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines | 1/6/2010
Happytown
column: So, if you were a grumpy attorney general with terminally equine facial features and you were running for governor of this great state despite a charisma deficiency, what would you do when faced with comprehensive federal health care reform as an imminent reality? If you were Bill McCollum (and, seriously, we are glad you’re not) you would throw a temper tantrum aimed at gathering support from Florida’s ample idiot base, something scripted and rooted in constitutional malarkey, p ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes and Bob Whitby | 1/6/2010
Comments
Comments : Not a fan Please don’t take this note as, “Well, Billy [Manes] gets noticed and read.” Quite the contrary! I have enjoyed your paper for years, however it’s impossible to read anything written by him. How do you edit his pieces? Are you doing the same drugs as him so you can understand him? It’s really embarrassing what he tries to say about Orlando. I’d imagine he’s your friend and the best thing a friend/editor can do is get rid of his piece and guide him to sober up and read h ... [MORE]
Savage Love
column: I am a queer lady in my 20s. My boyfriend and I recently discovered that we are both into BDSM. Here’s what’s stressing me out: I tend to gravitate toward stories that include age play (underage girls with older men). I think pedophilia is wrong and disgusting, yet I get off on the stories. I can’t stop feeling like I’m a huge pervert. Also, what is a good way to introduce the idea of age play to my boyfriend without sounding perverted? Is age play perverted? Feeling Like A Perver ... [MORE]
by Dan Savage | 1/6/2010
Free Will Astrology
Free Will Astrology : ARIES (March 21-April 19) It’ll be a hair-on-fire kind of week for you – and yet also a heart-in-repose kind of week. You have the potential to be fierce and relaxed, vigorously ambitious and sublimely poised. In fact, this might be one of those rare times when you can be both a justice-dispensing warrior and an enlightenment-seeking magician. Want to turn water into wine when the pressure’s on? Find the pearl of great price in the heat of the battle? Feats like these are quite possible. ... [MORE]
by Rob Brezsny | 1/6/2010
Blister
column: It’s like a candy-coated war zone. The stuttering gridlock of westbound I-4 traffic the Monday after Christmas hiccups in tryptophan-laced fits and starts while all around, fiberglass and plastic relics of purchased escapism don’t so much glow as burn holes into astigmatic retinas focused on getting around it all. Little sideshows to sideshows abut motor lodges with free-eating kids; ramshackle takes on knee-jerk impulses to race this or ride that virtually cackle in the face of stamme ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 1/6/2010
HAPPYTOWN
by Billy Manes, Justin Strout and Erin Sullivan
SAVAGE LOVE
by Dan Savage
SAVAGE LOVE
by Dan Savage
COUNCIL WATCH
by Billy Manes
SAVAGE LOVE
by Dan Savage
Latest Comments
Review: Restaurant - Twisted Bliss Ice Cream
Anonymous said, "It's a great place! They made 20 gelati's for my daughter's birthday and all of the kids LOVED it!... "
Anonymous said, "++ Reading a paper copy of the weekly I found it somewhat amusing that in an issue with the gulf oil... "
Anonymous said, "Grow up 6:34 & 8:14 (one in the same)! I agree with 11:07....Bold Hype brought refreshing new ideas ... "
Anonymous said, "Strawberry Moon Fest kicked ass.... "
Review: Restaurant - Thai Cuisine
Anonymous said, "This information has now changed. The restaurant is now opened 7 days a week, and the interior desig... "
