Columns
Police Beat
Police Beat : Jan. 19 (2010-30926) 5:45 p.m.: It was a peaceful evening with beer at the Ambassador Hotel on West Colonial Drive, until one man jumped his acquaintance and stole his .45-caliber pistol. (2010-31191) 8:30 p.m.: A woman walking through Parc Vista apartments on Pinto Lane said a man dragged her behind a pool shed, muttering his intent to rape her; but he took off when a car approached, and she escaped with a bruised arm. Jan. 20 (2010-32040) 9:05 a.m.: Someone broke through the ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines | 2/3/2010
Council Watch
Council Watch : For this very special episode of The City Gets to Thinkin’, Congresswoman Corrine Brown, D-Florida, was wheeled in for a fiery cameo appearance, shouting this and that about Haitian relief and stimulus dollars before landing the ultimate health-care zinger: “Anybody that tells me that they’re not for [health care reform], they need the mental health portion!” Hooray! It would prove a hard act to follow, as when she left, so did 90 percent of the room. City politics, it turns out, are ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 2/3/2010
Free Will Astrology
Free Will Astrology : ARIES (March 21-April 19) “Those who know how to win are much more numerous than those who know how to make proper use of their victories.” So said the ancient Greek historian Polybius, and now I’m conveying the message to you. I hope it will serve as a spur in the wake of your recent triumph. Will you be content with merely basking in the glow, frittering away the provocative potentials? Or will you get down to business and use your new advantages to upgrade your destiny? TAURUS ( ... [MORE]
by Rob Brezsny | 2/3/2010
Savage Love
column: Let’s say, theoretically, I’m a pedophile. I’m not stupid or evil, so I’m not gonna DO anything. I’m not even gonna look at porn, because the production of it involves child exploitation. Hell, even porn that’s just drawn – perverts drawing smut for perverts with no kids or anyone else involved – is illegal in a lot of places. I don’t even look at kids in public, and anyone of whatever orientation who’s been to a crowded beach knows how hard it can be not to look. So what the f ... [MORE]
by Dan Savage | 2/3/2010
Happytown
column: Oh, that wacky Brian Feldman. He eats, and calls it art. He jumps, and calls it art. He reads this paper, and calls it art. (He’s dead-on about that one, BTW.) There’s so much “art” in Orlando with Feldman’s name attached to it that we’ve almost stopped paying attention. Almost. Because he’s outdone himself this time. Yes, he has. This time, Feldman is promising to legally marry any woman (sorry, guys, gay marriage is illegal in Florida) who shows up at the Orange County Courthouse ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes and Bob Whitby | 2/3/2010
Blister
column: If this particular wrung-out rag of a Monday night were something more than a reverse howl of sleep apnea intended to indicate the limitations of my physical being – if it were science, instead, precision of a quantifiable sort meant to be studied in a vacuum of sterility – there might be an argument available to my tongue’s tip, something about historical origins and cyanobacteria coating stromatolites in the blue-green wish-wash of an asteroid impact. Single cells multiplying in th ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 2/3/2010
Live Active Cultures
Live Active Cultures : I think I’m about the least likely person to be labeled a Luddite. In my house, I have four gaming consoles, three laptop computers, two video projectors and an iPhone … in an Apple tree. I’ve been online since the days of 1200-baud modems and text-interface BBS systems; today I’ve got Yahoo, Gmail and my own Vanity.com site (42 unique visitors and counting since 2005, woo-hoo!). But in one important way I’m electronically retarded: I don’t do Facebook. I know, I know. Your mom h ... [MORE]
by Seth Kubersky | 1/27/2010
Free Will Astrology
Free Will Astrology : ARIES (March 21-April 19) Shakespeare got modest respect while he was alive, but his reputation as a brilliant bard didn’t gel right away. It wasn’t until almost 50 years after he died that anyone thought his life and work were notable enough to write about. By then, all his colleagues and compatriots were gone, and he left little information to build a biography around. That’s why next to nothing is known about the person who made such a dramatic impact on the English language and lite ... [MORE]
by Rob Brezsny | 1/27/2010
Blister
column: It’s gray outside. Blustery billows of dank fat-man breath blow down from the sky and up pleated man-skirts, chilling freckles on pinkish nethers into pubic spikes of discomfort. The whizzing gnats of bagpipes on top of bagpipes under bagpipes bleat out their miniature non sequitur laments of otherness in other places, but everything is remarkably right here. Maybe that’s why I’m frowning beneath my bleach, maybe it’s just the time-passing contrivance playing out in misshapen vignette ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 1/27/2010
Happytown
column: The 37th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision to legalize abortion in this country did not pass without notice in Orlando. First up, on the pro-choice side of the ring, was the Jan. 21 event at the First Unitarian Church of Orlando on East Robinson Street. Aside from the program starting a bit late (the better for grazing upon the Thin Mints Girl Scout cookies), the speakers ran long, though the seats were all full (about 60-70 attendees). The tenor of the event was more politiciz ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines, Billy Manes, Lindy T. Shepherd and Bob Whitby | 1/27/2010
Savage Love
column: I’m a single (mostly) gay guy who is curious about women. A hot bisexual mate is interested in a friends-with-benefits arrangement. I’m not looking for an LTR just now, so regular, no-strings sex sounds great. However, his girlfriend doesn’t know he’s bisexual, and I’d feel uncomfortable having sex with him behind her back. I’ve said no to guys in the past, bi and gay, because they wanted to go behind their partners’ backs. My mate would like his girlfriend to know about him because ... [MORE]
by Dan Savage | 1/27/2010
Police Beat
Police Beat : Jan. 12 (2010-19106) 10:02 p.m.: At Miracle of Love church on West Colonial Drive, someone used the miracle of physics to break a glass door with a fire extinguisher. Yea, verily, a Dell desktop computer was taken up. Jan. 13 (2010-20373) 2 a.m.: And you know they bought it to fend off thieves: Somebody stole an AR-15 rifle and 10-round magazine from a car trunk at Camden Landings on Landtree Place, along with a stereo and some electronics. (2010-20463) 2 a.m.: Strolling home f ... [MORE]
by Jim Gaines | 1/27/2010
HAPPYTOWN
by Billy Manes and Bob Whitby
SAVAGE LOVE
by Dan Savage
BLISTER
by Billy Manes
POLICE BEAT
by Jim Gaines
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
by Rob Brezsny
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