Police Beat : June 16 (2009-282883) 7:13 a.m.: Let’s begin this week with a brief rumination on things that should be crimes, but aren’t. For instance, I have to write this column even though I’m theoretically on vacation, because hell if this half-page is gonna write itself. Also there’s the small matter of state-sanctioned torture, but we’ll leave that for some other column. Meanwhile, here’s something that should be a capital crime: I had a 2:30 p.m. doctor’s appointment. So I left work, d ... [MORE]
by Jeffrey C. Billman | 7/2/2009
Live Active Cultures : I’ve never been public in my patriotism. In high school, during my rebel-without-a-clue phase, I silently protested having to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, and I declined to slap a flag decal on my car post-Sept. 11. But something about Disney has always been able to tap into my nascent nationalism. I get teary during the “Golden Dream” finale of Epcot’s American Adventure, and I dig the cheesy stars-and-stripes sparkle of the retro Electrical Water Pageant. Still, I’ve rem ... [MORE]
by Seth Kubersky | 7/2/2009
This Little Underground : A big pour on the floor for Michael Jackson. Despite the King of Pop’s dubious personal life, his work was undeniable. There is indeed a justice in him finally leaving a world that freeze-dried his soul in a state of incompleteness and made a tragic beast of him. All we’re left to do is shake our heads and close the book on one of the last great performers. Garage days On July 6, with So Pastel and Six Dead Horses, the Social will debut an interesting summer concert series ... [MORE]
by Bao Le-Huu | 7/2/2009
column: I’m a 25-year-old straight woman. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for only a few months, but we fell in love fast. He is a caring person, and I want to make this last. However, he doesn’t turn me on. It has nothing to do with looks – he’s gorgeous – but rather with the fact that I am submissive and like things rough (rape fantasies, being tied up, etc.). He is GGG and tries, but he is just too timid. The last guy I dated used to toss me around like a rag doll, and I miss bein ... [MORE]
by Dan Savage | 7/2/2009
column: There is a blur, a dirty yellow sunshine explosion surrounded by a rainbow halo of Kodachrome focus shifting. Synthesized strings of Lido Deck lugubriousness slip in one ear and out the other as the slow, predatory disco beat sneaks in with a “toot toot” and a “beep beep” in tow. Everything is hot and nasty and covered in baby oil; the night is a series of gold rope-belt chafes and curling-iron burns, but it’s all smoky and hairy and reddish and sexy. A can of Tab is ripped op ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 7/2/2009
column: We’d be remiss if we didn’t take 30 seconds to reflect on the passing of our very close, hirsute friend Billy Mays. Back in September, Mays invited us over to his palatial estate just outside Tampa, probably thinking that we were the Orlando Sentinel, but he was super-nice anyway (see “Mad man,” Oct. 16). Since then, Mays has gone on to light up our nights with his bromance partner, Anthony “Sully” Sullivan, on the Discovery Channel’s Pitchmen, which recently completed its firs ... [MORE]
by Jeffrey C. Billman and Billy Manes | 7/2/2009
Free Will Astrology : ARIES (March 21-April 19) Time to diversify your energy sources. It’s as if you’ve grown too dependent on oil – metaphorically speaking – and neglected to develop relationships with wind turbines, solar panels, natural gas and other means of generating power. What if in the future – metaphorically speaking – oil becomes scarcer or wildly expensive? And what if its byproducts degrade your environment? I suggest you start now to expand the variety of fuels you tap into. It’s a perfect ... [MORE]
by Rob Brezsny | 7/2/2009
Comments : GOODBYE, DOLLY I read your story about the maker of the Caylee Anthony doll with interest [“If you think this doll is creepy …,” June 18]. I still cannot fathom how anyone thinks this doll looks like Caylee Anthony! This doll was made with blond hair and blue eyes. Caylee had brown hair and brown eyes. What is the big deal with this? What is the stink about this doll? True, the story gave us the insight into the manufacturer and the person behind the idea, but it doesn’t even co ... [MORE]
Police Beat : June 10 (2009-272498) 8:44 a.m.: Open garage door plus unlocked car equals theft. (2009-272503) 8:47 a.m.: Police Beat Dick Move o’ the Week: “Unknown person(s) broke into Taco Bell and took the money from the charity container.” (2009-272666) 11:05 a.m.: Epic fail: “An unknown suspect attempted to distract the victim who was inside the house by knocking on the front door and ringing the doorbell. While the victim was at the front door, the second suspect attempted to gain e ... [MORE]
by Jeffrey C. Billman | 6/25/2009
column: Hey, Orange County Sheriff’s deputies: Have you ever come across a particularly sordid miscreant and thought, “This fellow could use a good skull-cracking”? Well, unsheathe your batons and crack away! As of May 29, whatever thin veneer of external accountability that existed – outside of the sheriff’s office’s own professional standards division – was eviscerated by the Fifth District Court of Appeals in Daytona Beach. In a far-reaching ruling, a unanimous three-judge panel ... [MORE]
by Jeffrey C. Billman and Billy Manes | 6/25/2009
Council Watch : The entire city was suffering from heat exhaustion as our confederacy of eggheads gathered together to fry on the pavement of the dais. Largely, the whole affair was an immense downer due to the failure of the Magic to seize the championship pennant and the recent death of former fire chief (and father to the current fire chief) Gene Reynolds. Only commissioner Tony Ortiz betrayed a modicum of humor, revealing, “I’m still trying to learn English, so give me some time.” Funny. But ... [MORE]
by Billy Manes | 6/25/2009
This Little Underground : Free is the new black, and here are two cool new albums you can cop gratis. First, Spin magazine commissioned a well-curated Prince tribute album for the 25th anniversary of Purple Rain featuring respectable acts like Riverboat Gamblers, Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings, Of Montreal and Lavender Diamond. Just follow the instructions at www.spin.com/prince to download Purplish Rain for free. The second score is from local indie stars Mumpsy. Available at www.mumpsy.com, Mortgaging Our F ... [MORE]
by Bao Le-Huu | 6/25/2009
HAPPYTOWN
by Jeffrey C. Billman and Billy Manes
HAPPYTOWN
by Jeffrey C. Billman and Billy Manes
COUNCIL WATCH
by Billy Manes
SHELL GAMES WORTH A CRACK
by Liz Langley
POLICE BEAT
by Jeffrey C. Billman
Review: Restaurant - Maraya at Sabrina's Restaurant
Anonymous said, "Resturant is beautiful, but need to give yourself at least a three hours or more to dine. The food... "
Review: Restaurant - Drunken Monkey Coffee Bar
Anonymous said, "I like the Drunken Monkey a lot. I've tried most of their foods… sandwiches, soup, coffee, smoothies... "
Anonymous said, "Billy- I recorded myself reading your latest "Blister" about the Pie-Face thing. Listen to it here: ... "
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Anonymous said, "M E T A L L I C A .... S U C K S !!!! They've turned into pussy licking sacks of sheit, mang. T... "
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Justin Strout said, "Here's the irony: Me up until now - "Billman! Trevor! Stop farting around on the comment boards!" Me... "
William Goss said, "This is a regular LOLocaust, guys.... "
