Salivation Army http://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/salivation_army.asp en-usnsfw: ‘is your girlfriend one a them salad-eating bitches?’http://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/salivation_army.asp?perm=1258How often can you say about a cooking show that it’s NSFW? Thanks to MyDamnChannel’s Cooking With Coolio, that sorely underserved demographic seeking a profanity-laced cooking show can rest easy.With a snazzy animated-cleaver graphic, a cranky sous-chef and two silicone-stuffed Sauce Girls, Coolio slices and dices (messily) his way through a variety of shall-we-say unchallenging dishes. (The title of this post is a quote from Mr. C’s intro to a caprese salad demo. He’s all about solutions, kids.)More CWC science: • “I’m pretty good with this knife … and I’m pretty good with a sword, nunchucks … a pistol …” Tony Bourdain wishes he could make the same claims.• Chef Coolio keeps the salt in his pocket in a tiny Ziploc baggie.• Coolio’s ultimate accolade: “This tastes better than yo mama’s titty!”• Coolio’s version of Emeril’s “Bam!,” liberally repeated at top volume: “Shaka Zulu, muthafucka!” yummy mummies.http://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/salivation_army.asp?perm=1250In this week's issue, Holly Kapherr wrote a short feature on how you can not bore your mother this Sunday. (It's Mother's Day, hellooooo!) After the jump, a few more ideas, some less boring than others:<@jump>Mamma Mia: Brio Tuscan Grille is offering a Mother's Day brunch special – reservations strongly recommended – at both the Winter Park Village and Mall at Millenia locations.Mommy Drinks: Luma on Park is offering a boozier Mother's Day brunch with Bellinis and Bloody Marys.Control-Freak Mom: Over at Martha Stewart.com, they're all over it (of course), with hundreds of recipes, menus, crafts and activities you can attempt, fail to pull off and then later discuss with your therapist.Chocolate Mommy: Harmoni Market carries the widest selection in town of Vosges chocolates and caramels, which in my biased opinion are the absolute best. Meaty Mommy: Texas de Brazil offers a Dia de Los Madres version of their churrascaria service.Rocker Mommy: Brunch at the Kitchen (at the Hard Rock Hotel) will feature an omelet station. Whoa, slow down, wild thing.Shopaholic Mommy: New York magazine has 122 ideas for gifts, from an $8 packet of strawberry seeds to a $5,000 bracelet. I thought the Betty Crocker recipe cards (pictured above) were cute, though probably useless unless you like casseroles. Veggie Mommy: Ethos Vegan Kitchen serves brunch now; go early for cinnamon french toast on the airy patio before they sell out.Mommie Dearest: The Orlando Sentinel, amusingly, runs a quiz titled “Does Your Mother Really Love You?” Do you really want to pull that thread so close to the holiday?Mom’s Home Cooking: Gourmet “celebrates the modern mom” with adventurous updates of classic comfort food like waffles, meatloaf and potatoes au gratin; Bon Appetit’s June issue features a garden party menu that would make a lovely family lunch (grilled duck breasts with plums; Meyer-lemon semifreddo; recipes not online, sadly); Saveur gathers a list of recipes for the traditional breakfast in bed (Billionaire’s Bacon, Belgian waffles) and Chow.com pulls together a classic iced tea/potato salad/fried chicken Mother’s Day picnic. 'these cookies are black f***ing metal.'http://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/salivation_army.asp?perm=1246Our favorite metal fan, Jason Ferguson, sent a link to The Black Oven, a hilarious blog that's a mashup of baking and black metal. Recipes for cookies, brownies, muffins and the like are prefaced with descriptions like: "In a perfect world everything would be as stark and void of color as these cupcakes. They are baneful in their absolute disdain for your tastelessness, and are true misanthropes as far as baked goods go."If Dethklok liked to bake, this is where they'd go for recipes. kids under 3 free ... all you can eat.http://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/salivation_army.asp?perm=1238A reader writes:
I spoke to you on the phone about the China Plaza Buffet on S Orlando Ave that tried to charge me $2.00 for my husband not finishing his food when he left out a piece of disgusting fish. Well I found another chinese restaurant with substandard business practices.The Golden Wok buffet at 1099 W Orange Blossom Trail in Apopka advertises kids under 3 free, but the old woman told me that's only if they don't eat. When I pointed out the menu gives a price for 3-10 and under 3 is free, she stated that Americans are always looking for someone else to take care of their children.
We here at Salivation Army applaud anti-waste measures, but we can't quite see how the buffet can get away with tacking on the extra charge. Gotta love the attitude, though. As for the second incident, kids under 3 free "only if they don't eat"? Hats off ... that's pure capitalism at work.Take-home point? Buffet = bad idea all around.(Please note: We did not contact the aforementioned restaurants; these may have been isolated incidents, not actual restaurant policy. Don't hate.)the free jazz of home cooking.http://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/salivation_army.asp?perm=1232Kara Zuaro’s I Like Food, Food Tastes Good (Hyperion, $17.95) is probably my favorite cookbook of 2007. (Definitely top five, anyway.) Go buy it immediately. It’s a collection of recipes from bands – who knows better how to eat cheap, right? – in their own (often hilarious, sometimes sophisticated) words. More than that, it’s a window into the indie-rock underground and the sacrifices bands make to keep playing, and Kara Zuaro is my hero for collecting these recipes. “Tato Mato” is John Darnielle’s (of Mountain Goats fame) contribution, and after the jump is a loose adaptation of this starchy-but-tasty poor-man’s meal. (Third and final recipe from the food-stamp challenge.)<@jump>Darnielle says, “Don’t be a fascist about measurements. Tato mato is all about the feeling,” so feel free to improvise with the proportions (and ingredients). I did. Do please take a look at the book, if you can find it; the recipe in Darnielle’s words is mighty amusing, and makes cooking this dish seem more like having fun than staving off hunger.(You may have to make a trip to the Indian market for the mustard seeds – I like Laxmi, down on South OBT across from Woodlands – though you may be able to find them at Whole Foods. Anyway, that trip down to Laxmi pays for itself; ghee, basmati rice and spices cost maybe a quarter of the price there you’d pay at Publix or Whole Foods, so go, shop.)2 cups cooked jasmine or basmati rice3 tomatoes, diced1 teaspoon oregano1 teaspoon basil2 tablespoons of ghee or butter (or olive oil, if you must)1 teaspoon black mustard seeds1 teaspoon of cumin seeds4 small red-skinned potatoes, diced1 cup of cauliflower florets (frozen will work, but fresh is better. If using frozen, bring them up to room temp before starting)2 teaspoons tamari or soy sauceToss the diced tomatoes with oregano and basil. Let stand.Heat the butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat, then add the mustard seeds and cumin seeds, swirling to coat them with butter. (Careful, they might pop. Don’t hang your face over the pan.) Add the potatoes, stir them up with the butter/spices, and reduce the heat to medium low.Stir the tomato-spice mixture into the rice.After about five minutes, after the potatoes have crisped/browned on one side, add the cauliflower to the skillet and stir. Cover the pan for a minute or two to cook the vegetables through, then remove the cover and add the rice/tomato mixture. Stir it all up, add the tamari (or soy sauce) and keep stirring until the rice is warmed through. Serve hot. fueled by <del>ramen</del> dal.http://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/salivation_army.asp?perm=1230This dal recipe, from Ismail Merchant’s Passionate Meals (Hyperion, $14.95), has never let me down – it's extremely cheap, extremely simple and low-fat to boot. Passionate Meals is a great book, not just for the recipes but also for Ismail Merchant’s filmmaking anecdotes. Sadly, he died in 2005, but he was the Merchant in Merchant Ivory Productions, the indie film company known for genteel literary adaptations. One of the many quirks of their company was that Merchant always did the catering on his sets to keep costs down. Masoor dal recipe  – No. 2 from the food-stamp challenge – after the jump.<@jump>2 cups red lentils, rinsed6 cups water1 tablespoon peeled and chopped ginger roota scant quarter-teaspoon of turmeric1 teaspoon salt1 teaspoon ground red pepper1 tomato, quarteredoptional:2.5 tablespoons canola oil 1 small onion, sliced thin2 cloves garlic, mincedCombine the lentils, ginger, turmeric and water in a soup pot, bring to a boil, then let simmer for 15 to 20 minutes.Add the salt, red pepper and tomato. Simmer for another 10 minutes and transfer to serving dish.Heat the oil in a heavy skillet and sauté the onion and garlic together until the onions are golden and soft. Pour onions, garlic and oil on the center of the dal just before serving. (This fried garnish is called a tarka in Indian cooking. If you prefer a low-fat – indeed, a no-fat dish, omit this step.) fueled by ramen.http://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/salivation_army.asp?perm=1229If you’re interested in any of the (extremely frugal) dishes I lived on during my monthlong food-stamp challenge, I’ll reproduce three of them here on Salivation Army: a delicious soup, a foolproof Indian dal and the infamous "tato mato." All good, all cheap, all here.After the jump, Mollie Katzen's red lentil-coconut soup.<@jump>This soup is adapted from Mollie Katzen’s Recipes: Soups (Ten Speed Press, $14.95). If you’ve never used a Mollie Katzen cookbook, I can’t recommend her highly enough – her recipes always work, and they’re creative and original, not retreads of every other vegetarian cookbook out there. As easy as it is to make, this soup has no business being so tasty.2 cups of red lentils6 cups of water5 slices of fresh ginger1 tablespoon of canola oil1 medium white onion1.5 teaspoons of ground cumin1.5 teaspoons of salt, divided3 large cloves of garlic1 14-ounce can of coconut milk (unsweetened)juice of 1 lime (about 2.5 tablespoons)Rinse 2 cups of red lentils in a few changes of water and drain.Combine lentils, water and ginger in a soup pot and bring to a boil. Lower heat to a simmer and cook uncovered until the lentils are soft (about 30 minutes), stirring a few times.Meanwhile, put a skillet over medium heat for about a minute, then add the oil. Add the onion and cumin and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Cook for about 10 minutes, until onions are soft/translucent. Add garlic and cook for another 5 minutes.Transfer the onions from the skillet to the soup pot (with the lentils), and pour in the coconut milk. Stir well, then simmer partly covered for about 15 minutes. Add the lime juice and the other teaspoon of salt. Serve hot. pretty little phillies.http://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/salivation_army.asp?perm=1222A reader writes in to alert Salivation Army to “a little trailer on A1A in Satellite Beach called Little Phillies Cheesesteaks.” On Florida Today’s website, Maria Sonnenberg posts an interview with owner Steve Hodges, in which he avows the authenticity of their cheesesteaks and is pictured demonstrating the “Philly bend” – the maneuver required to save your clothes from inevitably dripping grease and melted cheese.Apparently it’s the real deal, because they’re selling up to 200 of these per day and hungry people are coming from all over the state. Little Phillies is at 256 N. State Road A1A in Satellite Beach, open 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Monday through Saturday, and they don’t take credit cards. Be prepared for a wait.Now go abuse those arteries! what would hillary eat?http://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/salivation_army.asp?perm=1221According to former Secretary of State Robert Reich, with whom she went to see the Antonioni film Blowup when they were in college, popcorn with butter. "A lot of butter. Significant? You be the judge." (No word on whether they later took in Last Tango in Paris.)On Slate, Mimi Sheraton attempts to gain insight into Hillary Clinton’s personality by examining what she eats. Clinton professes to make “pretty good soft scrambled eggs.” Just don’t ask her to bake cookies. welcomehttp://www.orlandoweekly.com/blog/salivation_army.asp?perm=1218They say an army travels on its stomach... Salivation Army is a new blog about food, cooking, restaurants and all things gastronomic written by Orlando Weekly staff and contributors. We'll be talking about eating out, eating in and the latest cookbooks, kitchen gadgets and culinary magazines.Join the Army to get the dish on the latest goings-on in kitchens, markets and tables around town; check in daily for new chow. If you have a tip for us, please post a comment or e-mail me at dining at orlandoweekly dot com.