Remember 'Hollywood East'? So does this psycho!

Now listen, Orlando city planners, don't get your panties in a bunch over this but...

Your savior has arrived!

The latest to exploit our fair city's never-ending eagerness to dive headfirst into the cesspool of Los Angeles has produced a number of hysterically hillbilly attempts at fashioning Orlando into "Hollywood East." The term gained traction in the early '90s when second-rate TV shows like seaQuest DSV and some Hulk Hogan actioner actually filmed locally. Then again later that decade with The Blair Witch Project.

It's been a long, empty decade for Orlandoans with starfuckers in their eyes, but now it's time once more to get out the sharpie and slap on the "Hollywood East" sticker thanks to the pioneering, sociopathic and downright hilarious efforts of one John Campbell (pictured above photoshopped onto Air Force One - his doing, not ours).

According to the free-designed webpage at Wix.com, Campbell, who has set up shop in these parts, claims "ORLANDO IS THE NEW HOLLYWOOD." His plan in full?

"Hollywood East announces that it is working to secure the 50 acre Centroplex site in downtown. Hollywood wants to develop it for use by Hollywood East, Inc. - and for the headquarters of its flagship - STAR TV network." Who? No, not the Rupert Murdoch-owned Asian network. STAR TV is more, shall we say, imaginary.

"Star TV is our flagship TV network. Our goal is to be the 5th big network," says Campbell at his Angelfire Wix.com homepage, completely ignoring the CW (alright, that we get).

Campbell also plans to "buy and assimilate the entire Disney organization," and, in case your crazazy radar isn't off the charts quite yet, Campbell claims to be in on Buddy Dyer's endgame and thinks it can be improved.

"Mayor Dyer and his team have done a great job in bringing the Creative Village concept to life." (The what? Exactly.) "I think the mega studios of Hollywood East, Inc. and Star TV would be a better fit for the 50 acre Centroplex site," claims Campbell.

See what happens, Orlando, when you build it? They come.

Campbell's site is a literal web of fuckingnuts with a shit-ton of other, equally psychotic Campbell sites to peruse.

There's this one, his 2008 Presidential campaign home. Then this one, in which he claims to have started the "unofficial church of Walt Disney World." Oh, and let us not forget this one, where he -- well, let's let John Campbell tell it:

"I'm an apostle, and it's my job to see the big picture. Most apostles and prophets agree that we've entered a new age in the Church. It's called the Day of the Saints - a day of global shock and awe. The Kingdom of God is on massive offense - and it's the job of every Christian to promote the Gospel of the Kingdom."

Did I mention this is John Campbell's "Official Business Plan?" Yep.

"Hollywood East is positioned to provide America with pro-God, pro-family and pro-America content." "Our vision is to create The New Hollywood in Orlando." "Our goal is to be listed on the NYSE and eventually buy the Disney Company."

Campbell signs off with the following:

"You keep believing, Orlando!"

The sad part? We will. Over and over and over again.

More on this to come, believe that. Until then, check out this Billy Manes article from last year about the actual state of the local film industry (hint: it's wicked meh) and the millions upon millions our governors have spent this decade trying to change that.

Posted by Justin Strout on 9/9/2009 11:10:05 PM Permalink | Comments: 4

Comments on this story:

Anonymous said:
I saw a documentary on Orlando's history of sprawl once - one of the speakers, a lifelong resident, explained Orlando as a city in a never-ending identity crisis...year after year after year of constantly experimenting with new ventures and initiatives that never really work out as envisioned. Orlando is a like an even-tempered stable child with a moderate view of what it wants out of life...but it's meddling mother, that thinks it knows better than the child what wants, is constantly trying to push, prod, influence, mold, shape & manipulate it into something it can't be or doesn't want to be....
posted on: 9/10/2009 8:16:41 AM

Hollywood East said:

posted on: 9/11/2009 7:45:08 AM

Hollywood East said:
Thanks for the great blog post, Justin. I'm happy to be a part of this world-class city. You keep believing, Orlando! John Campbell - CEO - Hollywood East, Inc.
posted on: 9/11/2009 7:50:10 AM

Anonymous said:
Class in the face of adversity and insult. Gotta at least hand it to Hollywood East! Respect just went up about 2 increments.
posted on: 9/11/2009 9:08:25 AM